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Sex can be a beneficial part of a healthy relationship. Research shows that the average couple in the US has sex about once a week. THE frequency of sex it tends to decrease with age and other factors such as stress, children and general health can also affect a person’s desire for sex. Sexual couples who want to increase their frequency should focus on communicating their needs and working together.
Ideal frequency for sex
When looking at how often a couple should have sex, a 2015 study found that general well-being is related to sexual frequency, but only to a certain degree. Relationship satisfaction improved progressively from no sex to having sex once a week, but did not improve further (and actually decreased somewhat) beyond this point.
One intercourse per week is pretty consistent with the current average. However, our increasingly busy lives can prevent us from having more sex. Compared to the frequency of sex in the 1990s, adults in 2010 had sex nine fewer times a year.
Average Sexual Frequency
- Average for adults : 54 times a year (about once a week)
- Adults in their 20s : About 80 times a year
- Adults in their 60s : 20 times a year
Although the frequency often decreases with age, sexual activity in the elderly remains important. In general, older married couples tend to have sex more often than unmarried peers in the same age group.
Possible risks of more sex
It was once believed that sex increased the risk of prostate cancer. However, a 2016 study found that men who had more ejaculations (21 or more per month) were less likely to develop the disease than men who had fewer ejaculations (seven or fewer per month). Since prostate cancer is the second leading cause of cancer-related deaths in men 15 this phenomenon is worth noting.
For some, sex can increase the chances of a heart attack. Despite this risk, a higher frequency of sex can help. A 2011 study found that regular sexual activity reduces heart attacks. Sex, along with other forms of physical activity, is protective. But infrequent bursts of activity put extra strain on the heart. 16 Discuss your sexual activity with your doctor to assess your risks.
Unsafe sex can tip the scale of benefits and risks in the opposite direction. Make sure you are familiar with safe sex practices.
Challenges of regular sex
While sex can be important in a relationship, there are several factors that can make sexual intercourse more difficult. Age, hormones, children, stress, medical conditions, and relationship difficulties can all play a role in how often couples have sex.
Age often plays a role in the frequency of sex, mainly due to the decline in sex hormone levels as people get older. Sometimes maintaining an active sex life is difficult or impossible due to physical or psychological conditions.
Humans are wired to crave the intimacy of sex. A lack of sex can lead people in a relationship to pull away and, perhaps, look elsewhere. Working with a licensed couples therapist can help address this void and prevent problems from seeping throughout your marriage.
Ways to build intimacy outside of sex
Couples can maintain a strong, healthy relationship despite these obstacles by exploring non-sexual ways to improve intimacy. Ideas to consider include:
- Cuddling while watching a movie
- Do activities together that you both enjoy, such as dancing
- Give frequent hugs and kisses
- Hold hands when you walk together
- Spend time talking to each other
How to increase sex in your relationship
The frequency of sex can, and often does, change over time. But that doesn’t mean the frequency of sex has to be an unstoppable downhill slide. If you’re wondering if it’s possible for sex to be as good as when you first fell in love, the answer is yes. Sex and intimacy can improve as your relationship matures. It may just require a little extra work.
There are several ways to improve your sex life. Looking at the non-sexual parts of your relationship can help.
It is often said that the largest sexual organ is the one between the ears. Having sex more often without connecting emotionally or increasing communication isn’t likely to bring lasting improvements to your relationship. Managing stress is another key factor in a healthy sex life.
If you’re always waiting for your level of desire to match your partner’s, you may be waiting too long. Instead, communicate your needs and work together to find a happy medium.
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