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Although most people know that sex addiction exists, many do not know exactly what it means. THE sex addiction it refers to sexual behavior that has become compulsive – no longer just for the sake of pleasure itself – and leads to negative effects that seriously disrupt a person’s relationships and work.
While sex addiction often involves having sex with one or more people, people may be considered addicted due to extreme use of pornography, internet channels such as chat rooms, or sex with strangers. For example, if a man starts watching porn for hours a day, he starts to believe that porn really represents the way real people make love. As his expectations soar, he finds himself losing interest in the wife he previously found sexually alluring.
To be clear, sex addiction is not exclusively a male problem. A small percentage of women also experience sexually coercive behavior. Women typically experience sex addiction a little differently than men, so for this post, we’ll just focus on men.
Here are 5 behaviors that can indicate sex addiction in men:
- Loss of interest for the current sexual partner . When a man suddenly stops wanting sex, it can deeply disrupt the relationship. Of course every partner has different levels of desire and the struggle to align them can be difficult. But a complete withdrawal from sexual intercourse for a long time can be a warning sign that his sexual energy is going in a different direction.
- Loss of sexual function . When a man sees a lot of erotic images before climaxing, his dopamine rises to a level of excitement that cannot be matched in sex with his partner. Essentially, he begins to prepare his body to need these high levels of stimulation, and his ability to function with a partner may decrease.
- A lot of time spent on sexual activities. When a man’s pornography habit begins to take up a lot of time, consuming sleep or work hours, he is likely to have a compulsion. This behavior could be rooted in something other than sex addiction – it could be compensating for depression, for example. Whatever the reason, at this stage he needs help.
- Neglects responsibilities. If the time spent engaging in sexual activity disrupts relationships with spouse and family or work, the sexual behavior has likely become a compulsion. And if he takes risks that would alert his employer’s human resources department (flirting with co-workers, masturbating at work, viewing pornography on work servers), the risk of coercion has increased to endanger his survival.
- Escalation of sexual risk. If a man feels that his porn use is out of control, he needs treatment. When the need for sexual thrills has escalated from a dirty book, to a porn habit, to live chat rooms, to picking up strangers, escorts and/or prostitutes, the level of risk-taking has gone beyond his control. Any behavior that is considered illegal – exposure, peeking, risk taking, child pornography or paid sex requires immediate action. Break denial – these activities are not about sex.
What to do about it? If any of these signs are present, it’s time to consult a sex therapist or psychiatrist and possibly consider treatment.
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