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Many couples experience a decline in sex and physical intimacy within the first few years of marriage, especially if children come along. However, the complete loss of physical intimacy that was once part of the relationship often signals a problem that needs to be addressed.
Without the physical intimacy that differentiates a romantic relationship from a platonic one, married couples can become more or less Roommates. If both partners are okay with this type of relationship, there is no need to worry. But often, one or both partners are disappointed or hurt by the loss of physical intimacy and sex.
A temporary period of less sex is not usually considered “sexless”. Although there is no official definition, many define a sexless marriage as one in which the couple has not had sex (or very rarely had sex) for a year or more.
There are many possible reasons a couple may find themselves in a sexless relationship. Whether the sexless relationship is a problem depends on the couple, but if the lack of sex and physical intimacy is a problem, there are ways to deal with it together and separately starting with identifying the underlying cause.
There are many possible reasons why a marriage can be sexless, including everything from health issues to lifestyle factors. Here’s an overview of some common reasons:
Health problems: A person’s overall physical and mental health can have a significant impact on libido and desire for physical intimacy. Health concerns and disability can also disrupt the normal arousal process in both sexes.
Libido mismatch: When the desire for sex does not coincide, it is easy for the couples to find themselves waiting to be sexually involved until both of them comrades to be in the mood, which can be rare.
The birth of a child: According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), there’s no set time when someone can have sex again after giving birth, but many health care providers recommend waiting at least four to six weeks (though sometimes longer) for physical recovery. The added stress of caring for an infant, body changes, fatigue, and hormonal factors can also affect a person’s libido after having a child.
Stress: Too much stress can wreak havoc on your health, including your sex drive. His hormone stress – cortisol – can also play a role in lowering your libido. In addition to the physical reasons why stress reduces sex drivethe psychological effects of stress can leave you so tired, frustrated and anxious that you simply don’t have the desire or energy for sex.
Communication Issues: When you’re in conflict with your partner, it can be difficult to maintain physical intimacy. You may not want to talk to your partner, let alone engage in sexual activity.
Erectile dysfunction: The difficulty of achieving or maintaining erection it can make sex difficult for a number of reasons. While erectile dysfunction (ED) is a common problem, it can also affect a person’s stress levels, confidence and self-esteem. People who have symptoms of ED should always talk to a doctor, as it can be a sign of an underlying health condition.
Low sex drive: Sometimes called hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), low sex drive is an issue that both men and women can experience. In women, several factors may contribute to HSDD, including menstrual cycles, use of hormonal contraceptives, childbirth, breastfeeding, hysterectomy, and menopause.
Medication Side Effects: Many drugs have sexual side effects. Some medications that can cause sexual dysfunction include over-the-counter decongestants, certain antihistamines, antidepressants, and high blood pressure medications.
Mental Health Issues: Symptoms of depression include a lack of energy, loss of interest and pleasure, social withdrawal, and depressed mood—all factors that can affect a person’s desire for sex and physical intimacy.
History of Abuse: Past sexual abuse can have long-lasting effects that can affect current and future relationships. Emotional reactions such as fear and shame, post-traumatic stress and distortions in self-perception can have a serious impact on a person’s sex life.
Life issues: There are a number of lifestyle factors that can also play a role in how often people have sex with their partner, including:
- Aging
- Body image issues
- Boredom
- Economic problems
- Mourning
- Job loss
- Fatigue
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